Harry Potter and the box of the alter egos
by Bow 2 Me
Summary: Harry opens a box at Hogwarts that contains everyone's alter egos. Now everyone's personalities are opposite of what they used to be and it's up to Harry to get things the way they were.
1. Party at Harry's

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters. I'm just using them for my amusement.  
  
A/N- this is Harry's 3rd year at Hogwarts (in case you're wondering).  
  
Chapter 1- Party at Harry's  
  
Harry Potter was sitting in his bedroom bored to tears when his cousin Dudley Dursley walked in.  
  
"Hello Harry! It's 8:00! Time to beat you up!" Dudley said with an evil smile.  
  
"If you lay a finger on me, I'll zap you with my wand," Harry said calmly.  
  
"But you're not allowed to," Dudley said nervously.  
  
"Wow, for once he pays attention," Harry said sarcastically.  
  
"Are you calling me stupid?" Dudley yelled.  
  
"Maybe. But of course you wouldn't be able to figure it out if I was," said Harry.  
  
"I think you are!" Dudley yelled.  
  
He began jumping up and down in a temper tantrum. Harry's bedroom shook so bad it felt like the floor would break and the walls would tumble down.  
  
"I'M NOT STUPID!" Dudley yelled.  
  
"Dudley you're causing an earthquake. Stop it," said Harry.  
  
"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT NOW?" Dudley yelled.  
  
"Well you're certainly not skinny," said Harry.  
  
Dudley charged at Harry and Harry pulled his wand out and pointed it at Dudley, who screamed so loud the glass on Harry's window shattered. This sent Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon running into Harry's room.  
  
"What's going on here?" Uncle Vernon yelled. "What happened to the window?"  
  
"It was Harry's fault!" said Dudley, "he tried to zap me with his wand but it missed me and hit the window instead."  
  
"HARRY!" Uncle Vernon yelled. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO ZAP DUDLEY! YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR MAGIC TRICKS! WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING YOU AT THAT FREAK SCHOOL OF YOURS? I THINK EVERYONE THERE SHOULD JOIN THE CIRCUS!"  
  
"Oh my precious little Dudley! Are you all right? Did any glass fall on you?" Aunt Petunia asked Dudely.  
  
"I have a scratch on my knee," Dudley whined.  
  
"Will a kissie make it all better?" Aunt Petunia asked.  
  
"Yes mother dearest," Dudley said dramatically.  
  
"HARRY YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! WE WERE CONSIDERING BRINGING YOU WITH US TO SEE THE SHMOOPIE WHOOPIE BEAR SHOW BUT AFTER YOUR PERFORMANCE JUST NOW YOU CAN FORGET IT!" Uncle Vernon yelled.  
  
"Oh gee, I was really looking forward to it," Harry said sarcastically.  
  
"Don't get smart with me Harry," snapped Uncle Vernon.  
  
"Come on Dudley, let's get you away from freak boy," said Aunt Petunia.  
  
She and Dudley left the room. Uncle Vernon locked Harry in his room and followed them downstairs. When Harry heard them drive away, he unlocked his door with his wand (the alohomora thing) and walked down to the kitchen. He picked up the telephone and dialed Ron Weasley's phone number (do the Weasley's have a phone??? Oh well they do now).  
  
"HELLO?" yelled the voice on the other end.  
  
"Is Ron there?" Harry asked.  
  
"IT'S RON WHO IS THIS?" Ron yelled.  
  
"It's Harry and you don't have to talk so loud," said Harry.  
  
"Oh ok then. Hi Harry! Good thing you called now we just got back from Diagon Alley. We bought your school supplies too cuz we figured that you're aunt and uncle wouldn't take you. Sup?" Ron asked.  
  
"I'm having a little get-together type thing right now. Wanna come?" Harry asked.  
  
"Ok!" said Ron. "See you there!"  
  
"Bye," said Harry.  
  
He hung up the phone and dialed Hermione Granger's number.  
  
"Hello?" said Hermione.  
  
"Hey Hermione it's Harry," said Harry.  
  
"Hi Harry. Why are you calling?" asked Hermione.  
  
"I'm having a little get-together type thing right now. Wanna come?" asked Harry.  
  
"You're going to be doing any magic or anything are you? Cuz that would be breaking the rules and we could get expelled," said Hermione.  
  
"No, no magic. Are you gonna come?" asked Harry.  
  
"Sure," said Hermione.  
  
"All right see you later," said Harry.  
  
He hung up the phone and began preparing for Ron and Hermione's arrival.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
There was a knock on the front door. Harry answered it and Hermione walked in.  
  
"I'm so excited. A little back to school get-together was a good idea," said Hermione.  
  
Before Harry could answer her, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George Weasley, Lee Jordan (Fred and George's friend), Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan (Harry's friend), and Dean Thomas (Harry's other friend) all fell out of the fire place.  
  
"That was some trip!" said Fred.  
  
"We should have this many people travel by floo powder at the same time more often," added George.  
  
"Harry, I thought you said this was a get-together with just me and Ron!" said Hermione.  
  
"Well, I thought 'hey why not invite more people?' So I did," said Ron. "You don't mind do you Harry?"  
  
"No!" Harry said happily. "If my aunt and uncle come home and find all of you here then they'll probably not come back till tomorrow when we're all on the train to Hogwarts! Now let's get this party started!"  
  
Harry put a cd in the stereo and began playing it. Fred pulled out his wand.  
  
"One spell won't hurt us," he said looking at Hermione who gave him a disapproving look.  
  
Fred waved his wand at the kitchen and chips, dip, cupcakes, soda, chex mix and pretzles flew into the room on the coffee table. Soon the party was in full swing. Ginny, Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Ron were dancing, Fred, George, Lee, Neville and Harry were playing poker. About an hour after the party started, there was a rapping sound on the window. Harry opened it and saw Oliver Wood, Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Cho Chang and some other people he didn't know sitting on broom sticks.  
  
"We heard about your party," said Oliver. "Can we join you?"  
  
"Sure," said Harry opening the window wider so they could fly in.  
  
As soon as everyone who had just arrived settled in, Harry decided to dance with Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Seamus and Dean.  
  
"So where's Percy?" Harry asked Ron.  
  
"He didn't wanna come. He's such a party pooper," said Ron.  
  
Soon, everyone was dancing. As they danced they bumped into Aunt Petunias nicknacks, knocking them onto the ground where they broke.  
  
"Ok!" Harry yelled standing on the coffee table. "All you guys find a girl to dance with. It's couples time!"  
  
Everyone objected by booing Harry and throwing food at him.  
  
"Ok ok! I get it!" Harry yelled ducking for cover.  
  
As time went on, more and more people arrived and Harry hardly knew any of them. Most were older and troublemakers. That's when the party got way out of control. Soon everyone was doing mosh pit, gambling or doing magic. Fred and Gerorge bewitched the cupcakes so they were chasing Ron and Ginny around the room and the sodas so that they would hover over certain people and spill on them.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione yelled. "Maybe you should say the party's over!"  
  
"Good idea!" Harry yelled. "Ok guys! Party's over!"  
  
No one left or listened. A soda spilled on Harry.  
  
"Did you not hear me?" Harry yelled. "The party is over! Tomorrow is a school day!"  
  
"Shut up pipsqueak," snapped an older boy that Harry didn't know.  
  
Harry heard a car roll into the drive way.  
  
"Shoot," he muttered under his breath. Then he raised his voice. "My aunt and uncle are back! Please exit through the windows!"  
  
Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley walked through the door.  
  
"HARRY!" Uncle Vernon yelled.  
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Uncle Veron. Aunt Petunia and Dudley hid behind him.  
  
"What wusses, we're just as normal as everyone else," said George.  
  
"HARRY! GET YOUR FREAKY LITTLE FRIENDS OUT! BOY ARE YOU LUCKY YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW OR ELSE I WOULD'VE MADE YOU DO HARD LABOR ALL DAY!" Uncle Vernon yelled. "WELL WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDING HERE FOR? I SAID OUT! MOVE IT!"  
  
No one moved. Instead they all took out their wands and pointed them threateningly at him (except for Hermione).  
  
"Uh, you kids enjoy yourselves," said Uncle Veronon running up the stairs followed closely by Aunt Petunia and Dudley.  
  
Everyone cheered.  
  
"What are you all cheering about? The party's over," said Harry.  
  
"NO!" several people yelled.  
  
"GET OUT!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Yeah guys it's getting late," said Fred.  
  
"Oh ok," everyone said.  
  
They began leaving. Soon just Fred, George, Ginny, Ron and Hermione were left.  
  
"Do you 2 wanna sleepover? Then we could all catch the train together," said Ron.  
  
"Ok," said Harry and Hermione.  
  
Hermione used floo powder to go back to her house and pack and Harry ran up to his room to get his trunk. About half an hour later, Hermione came back and everyone went to the Weasley's house where they all went to bed so they could get up early to catch the train the next day. 


	2. Back to School

Chapter 2- Back to School  
  
The next day, everyone (except Percy) overslept.  
  
"Come on Ron, get up," Mrs. Weasley said trying to shake him awake.  
  
"Just 5 more minutes..." Ron mumbled.  
  
"NO!" Mrs. Weasley yelled. "YOU'LL MISS THE TRAIN!"  
  
Ron was wide awake.  
  
"Ok, ok I'm going," he said.  
  
Mrs. Weasley walked over to where Harry was sleeping.  
  
"Harry dear, it's time to get up," she said.  
  
"Huh? Oh ok," Harry mumbled, getting out of bed.  
  
"Such a good boy," Mrs. Weasley praised.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
"Ok everyone do you have your stuff?" Mr. Weasley asked trying to put on his shoes.  
  
"I do," Percy bragged. "Unlike some people, I didn't oversleep and I thoroughly checked to see that if I had all my stuff, which I do."  
  
"That's my boy," Mr. Weasley said proudly.  
  
"Bloody boy's a suck up," Fred said to George, Ron, Harry, Hermione and Ginny.  
  
They nodded an agreement.  
  
"Fred? George? Ron? Ginny? Do you have your stuff?" Mr. Weasley asked them.  
  
"Yes father. We thoroughly checked to see if all our stuff was there," said Fred and George mocking Percy.  
  
Percy glared at them.  
  
"Good," said Mr. Weasley.  
  
"Hey what about our praise?" George asked.  
  
Mr. Weasley ignored them.  
  
"Do you have your stuff Ron?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," said Ron.  
  
"And what about you Ginny?" Mr. Weasley asked her. "It's all here," said Ginny.  
  
"Harry and I have our stuff," said Hermione.  
  
"Ok good," said Mr. Weasley. "Let's go or you'll miss the train."  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
"Well, here we are. Platform 9¾ with 10 minutes to spear," said Mrs. Weasley.  
  
"Oh boy," Ron said sarcastically.  
  
"I'm actually looking forward to going back to school," Hermione said happily. "Homework, exams.."  
  
"Goody for you. I'm not," said Ron. "I bet Professor Snape will be worse then ever."  
  
"Yeah," said Harry. "He practically worships Draco Malfoy. It makes me sick."  
  
"Someone giving you trouble Harry?" Fred asked.  
  
"No--" Harry began.  
  
"Actually yes," said Ron. "Draco Malfoy. You know, Lucius Malfoy's son?"  
  
"We know who Lucius Malfoy is," said George. "Bloody idiot if you ask me."  
  
"Well Draco Malfoy always bugs us. Last year he called Hermione a mudblood," said Harry.  
  
"He did not!" Fred and George exclaimed.  
  
"Yes he did. You were there," said Hermione.  
  
"Were we? I don't really remember," said Fred.  
  
"Come on guys. Hurry up or we'll miss the train," Percy said impatiently.  
  
"Percy you need to calm down. You'll get a stress ulcer and you're not even 30 yet!" said George.  
  
"Well I am Head Boy and I cannot be late," Percy said snobbishly. "And if you are late it'll make me look bad."  
  
"Well if it'll make you look bad then pretend you're not related to us other unworthy Hogwarts students," said Fred.  
  
"You go ahead and we'll catch up," said Ron.  
  
Percy glared at them and walked away.  
  
"If he says anything about being Head Boy again I'll curse him," said Fred.  
  
"I'm sure he didn't talk about it that much," said Harry.  
  
"No not really. But he may have mentioned it once or twice a minute every day all summer," said George.  
  
"Guys, you might want to walk through the barrier now!" Mrs. Weasley yelled to Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George.  
  
They ran over to her.  
  
"Where are Ginny and Percy?" Ron asked.  
  
"They already went through the barrier and are on the train," said Mrs. Weasley. "Oh I can't believe my Percy is Head Boy! He's such a wonderful wonderful person..."  
  
She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose into her handkerchief.  
  
"And what about us?" Fred demanded.  
  
"Are we wonderful people too?" added George.  
  
"Yes of course," Mrs. Weasley said quickly, "but it's almost 11:00. Now get on the train!"  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George walked through the barrier that led to platform 9¾. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley followed them to say good-bye.  
  
"Have a good year kids," said Mr. Weasley as they boarded the train.  
  
"Yes and try to stay out of trouble," Mrs. Weasley added.  
  
"Don't worry mom. We won't "accidentally" blow up Snape's classroom," said Fred.  
  
"But we were considering it," said George.  
  
"Come on let's find a seat," Ron said to Harry and Hermione.  
  
They waved to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and walked into the train. Then Fred and George found Lee and began discussing their pranks for the year. Harry, Ron and Hermione found some open seats by Seamus, Neville and Dean.  
  
"That was some party yesterday Harry!" said Seamus.  
  
"Yeah Harry. I had my doubts but you sure do know how to throw a party," Dean added.  
  
"Well I am after all me," said Harry.  
  
Draco Malfoy and his sidekicks Crabbe and Goyle walked over to where Harry was sitting.  
  
"Potter you really did it this time," Malfoy snapped at Harry.  
  
"What did I do?" Harry asked innocently.  
  
"I had a back-to-school party at my house yesterday too," Malfoy snapped.  
  
"And no one showed up accept for your dad?" Ron asked sarcastically.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle laughed stupidly.  
  
"This isn't the part where you laugh you ding-dings," Malfoy snapped at Crabbe and Goyle. Then he turned to Ron. "Don't talk unless you're spoken to you poor boy. And at least my dad has something yours doesn't."  
  
"And what's that?" Ron snapped.  
  
"I think you of all people should know," said Malfoy, "but then again you are a Weasley."  
  
"What does your dad have that my dad doesn't?" Ron yelled.  
  
"Money of course," Malfoy said smirking.  
  
Ron got up to try to hit Malfoy but Harry and Hermione pulled him back.  
  
"Now as I was saying," Malfoy snapped directing his attention back to Harry. "I had a back-to-school party yesterday too and no one came except for Crabbe, Goyle and about 4 other people for Slytherin and do you know why?"  
  
"No," said Harry.  
  
"Cuz they all went to your party!" Malfoy yelled. "Oh sure the famous Harry Potter is having a party. Let's all go to his instead of Malfoy's."  
  
"I'm really sorry about all this," said Harry.  
  
Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Neville all looked at him like he was crazy. Harry turned to them and mouthed 'work with me here.' They took the hint.  
  
"Yeah right," snapped Malfoy.  
  
"But I am," Harry protested. "Right guys?"  
  
"Oh yeah sure," said Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Neville.  
  
"Really?" Malfoy asked.  
  
"Yeah," said Harry. "In fact, I was thinking about the past 2 years I was here with you and I decided that I admire your evil personality."  
  
"Well, I.." Malfoy said blushing.  
  
"The way you always have a diss ready for each person in the school! It's so amazing!" Harry praised.  
  
Ron and Hermione exchanged the "yeah he lost his mind" look but Malfoy was grinning ear to ear.  
  
"And I was so inspired that I wanted to be like you so I've trying to be like you all summer," said Harry.  
  
"Did you really?" Malfoy asked surprised.  
  
"Well I tried, but I couldn't get my head that far up my butt," said Harry.  
  
Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Neville burst out laughing. Malfoy turned beet red glared at Harry.  
  
"I've never been more insulted in my life!" he yelled.  
  
"I bet you haven't," said Hermione between laughs.  
  
"Shut up you mudblood," Malfoy snapped. "Come on Crabbe and Goyle. Let's ditch these losers."  
  
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle left and everyone talked about Harry's party for the rest of the train ride.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione walked into the Great Hall for the feast. They sat down to wait for the sorting when Fred and George walked up to them.  
  
"We did!" George said happily.  
  
"What? What happened?" Ron asked.  
  
"We bewitched the Sorting Hat so it would diss the teachers," said Fred.  
  
"First prank of the year!" said George.  
  
Professor McGonagall walked into the Great Hall with the Sorting Hat and first years that needed to be sorted.  
  
"Ok everyone be quiet!" she said loudly. "Now it's time for the sorting. First years when I call your names you will come up here and I'll place the sorting hat on your head. Then you'll be sorted into your houses. They are Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin."  
  
Professor McGonagall put the Sorting Hat on a stool and it began to chant.  
  
Welcome to Hogwarts one and all Let me tell you about the teachers that make learning a ball  
  
First there's McGonagall She's really strict She never relaxes And her butt's full of zits  
  
Everyone burst out laughing. Professor McGonagall looked appalled.  
  
Then there's Snape That guy's just plain scary  
  
But what you don't know  
  
Is his back's awfully hairy  
  
There was more laughter. Professor Snape looked like he was going to jump up and rip the Sorting Hat into pieces.  
  
And Professor Flitwick He teaches charms And all of your wands  
  
Are longer than his arms  
  
"It's not my fault I'm a midget," Professor Flitwick squeaked as everyone began laughing again.  
  
And Professor Sprout What can I say? She's short, she's stout  
  
And her hair's going gray  
  
Professor Sprout looked embarassed and quickly put her hands over her hair.  
  
Professor Trelawney Is messed up in the head Every time she predicts something  
  
She says you'll end up dead  
  
"That's not true," Professor Trelawney said indignantly.  
  
And last but not least There's Albus Dumbledore He's the god of Hogwarts  
  
So worship him now and forever more  
  
The Sorting Hat stopped talking. Dumbledore stood up.  
  
"Well, that was...amusing," he said smiling. "Before we begin the sorting I want to say a few things. First, we have a new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Professor Lupin, please stand up."  
  
Professor Lupin stood up.  
  
"Second, to all first years the Dark Forest is forbidden," said Dumbledore.  
  
He sat down and the sorting began. Once all the first years were sorted, the feast began.  
  
"Too bad Snape's here," Ron said to Harry.  
  
"Yeah," said Harry shoving food in his mouth.  
  
"That was the most insulting speech from the Sorting Hat I've ever heard in my life," Hermione snapped looking at Fred and George.  
  
"What? Everyone thought it was awesome," said Fred.  
  
"Everyone but the teachers. If they find you did it you will be expelled!" said Hermione.  
  
"Then they won't find out," George said imitating Hermione. Hermione glared at them and went back to eating. When Harry, Ron and Hermione were full, they went back to their dormitories to unpack and go to bed. It wasn't such a bad first day of school after all. 


	3. The First Quidditch Game

Chapter 3- The First Quidditch Game  
  
The members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Harry, Fred, George, Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet and Oliver Wood gathered on the Quidditch field.  
  
"Ok guys, here's how we're gonna make ourselves top notch Quidditch players so we win every game we play," said the Gryffindor team captain Oliver Wood. "We're gonna practice till we drop."  
  
"That's it?" George asked in mock disappointment. "I expected more from a dedicated Quidditch player like you."  
  
"We'll practice earlier and longer than last year," said Oliver.  
  
"Sounds like fun," Fred said sarcastically.  
  
"Now our first match is this Saturday against Slytherin and I spent the summer working on some new plays so we'll try them in practice and see if they work," said Oliver. "Now let's get out there and practice so we can win. Winning is everything. Win win win!"  
  
Then everyone mounted their brooms and practice began.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
It was Saturday morning, the day of the first game. Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in the Great Hall talking.  
  
"Are you nervous about today's game Harry?" Ron asked.  
  
"A little," said Harry, "but I'm ready to kick Slytherin's butt."  
  
"That's exactly the kind of attitude I want Harry. Well done," said Oliver walking past him.  
  
"No offense to Oliver but I think he's a little obsessed with winning," said Hermione.  
  
"Yeah but he was always a strange person. Or at least that's what Fred and George said," said Ron.  
  
"But everyone knows that it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game," said Hermione.  
  
"Tell that to Oliver, but I doubt he'll believe you," said Harry. "Well, I gotta go get ready. See you at the game."  
  
"Bye!" Ron and Hermione called after him.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
"Ok guys this is it," Oliver told everyone when they were done getting ready. "It's time to get out there and win. Believe me, winning is everything. Win win win! Any questions? No? Good."  
  
Everyone mounted their brooms and flew onto the Quidditch field. The Slytherin team was already there. Lee Jordan was announcing. "Hello everyone and welcome to the first game of the season, Slytherin vs. Gryffindor!" said Lee.  
  
"You guys are going down," said the Slytherin team captain, Marcus Flint.  
  
"In your dreams," said Oliver. "We have Harry Potter, the best Seeker at Hogwarts."  
  
Madam Hooch walked onto the field.  
  
"Now I don't want a rough game!" she shouted up to the players as she relased the Quaffle and the Bludgers.  
  
"The Quaffle is relased. Alicia has it. She passes to Angelina and oh no it's intercepted by Flint. He's heading toward the hoops. He shoots and...he misses. A spectacular save by Oliver Wood," said Lee.  
  
The Slytherins booed and the Gryffindors cheered.  
  
"Hey Potter," Malfoy snapped to Harry. "I'm gonna get that Snitch before you do."  
  
"You never have and you never will," Harry said back to him.  
  
A Bludger flew right past Harry's head.  
  
"Watch out Katie!" Harry yelled.  
  
Katie turned around and saw the Bludger coming at her. She ducked and it went over her head.  
  
"Angelina has the Quaffle. She shoots..and scores! 10 points for Gryffindor! All right! What a girl..." said Lee.  
  
"Lee..." Professor McGonagall said in a warning voice.  
  
"Sorry professor. Anyways Flint has the Quaffle. He's heading towards the hoops. He shoots..he scores. I don't think Wood is very pleased with himself. I like the face his making. Hey Wood the look really suits you--"  
  
"JORDAN!" Professor McGonagall yelled.  
  
Harry looked around the Quidditch field and spotted the Snitch. He began chasing it and Malfoy followed.  
  
"The Seekers have spotted the Snitch!" said Lee.  
  
"Come on Harry you can do it!" Ron yelled from the stands.  
  
"Go Harry!" Hermione yelled.  
  
"Uh hello, Malfoy's so much better," said Pansy Parkinson, a girl from Slytherin.  
  
"Malfoy Malfoy he's our man if he can't do it...THAT'S GREAT!" said Ron.  
  
"Oh shut up," snapped Pansy as Hermione laughed.  
  
Meanwhile, Harry and Malfoy were flying next to each other to get the Snitch.  
  
"I'm gonna get the Snitch Potter," Malfoy bragged.  
  
Harry ignored him and concentrated on his flying.  
  
"COME ON HARRY! KNOCK HIM OFF HIS BROOM! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN!" Oliver yelled.  
  
Malfoy stretched out his arm to catch the Snitch but he lost his balance and fell. Harry laughed at him and caught the Snitch.  
  
"Potter's got the Snitch! 150 points for Gryffindor!" said Lee.  
  
Madam Hooch blew her whistle.  
  
"Gryffindor wins!" she yelled.  
  
The Gryffindors cheered.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
"We won!" Oliver yelled punching the air at the post-game party. "Way to go Harry! With you on our team, we'll be unstoppable forever!"  
  
"Go Harry! It's your birthday! Not really, shake it anyway!" said Ron, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Fred, George and Lee.  
  
Ginny took out some butterbeer.  
  
"Butterbeer anyone?" she asked.  
  
Several people grabbed some.  
  
"I've never had butterbeer before," said Harry. "Is it good?"  
  
"You'll love it," said Ron, chugging down his butterbeer.  
  
Harry took a sip.  
  
"Mmm it's yummy!" he said drinking the rest of his butterbeer.  
  
"I have an idea!" said George, "let's all get drunk on butterbeer!"  
  
"Yeah!" several people said grabbing more butterbeer bottles.  
  
"No way!" said Hermione. "Getting drunk is against the rules. You'll be expelled."  
  
"Oh well," said Fred.  
  
Hermione scowled and went up to her room while everyone else got drunk on butterbeer.  
  
"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" several people yelled as Fred and George began to drink their 20th shot of butterbeer.  
  
Harry, drunk on butterbeer too skipped to the back of the room to see what all the commotion was about.  
  
"What's going on here?" he asked giggling.  
  
"You should watch Fred and George drink! They're unbelieveable," someone who was still sober said.  
  
They raised their arms in triumph.  
  
"Hehe sorry m'am we're done for now," said Fred giggling.  
  
George hiccuped and began skipping around the room with Fred and Harry and several other drunk people.  
  
"Look at me!" said Ron who was also drunk on butterbeer. "I'm a beautiful ballerina!"  
  
He began doing all these ballet moves and everyone laughed stupidly. Fred and George skipped over to him.  
  
"Maybe should go to bed Ronnie-poo," they said.  
  
"No I don't want to," Ron snapped pulling away from them.  
  
Neville skipped up to Katie Bell.  
  
"You're soooo hot," he said laughing.  
  
Unfortunately for Neville, Katie was still sober.  
  
"Get away from me," she said looking at him like he was an idiot.  
  
Meanwhile, Seamus and Dean were ballroom dancing together and Ron was telling Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet (who were sober) about his most embarrassing moment.  
  
"Uh yeah so one time this summer I was with my dad somewhere..and there were no bathrooms...and I to make a poopie so I held it....and held it...and held it until...oops I couldn't hold it anymore! I got in huge trouble," said Ron giggling.  
  
Angelina and Alicia laughed and walked away. Harry skipped up to Ron and asked him if he wanted to ballroom dance like Seamus and Dean. Ron said yes and he and Harry began ballroom dancing too. Eventually everyone who was drunk managed to get up to their rooms before they passed out. The next day no one remembered anything that had happened last night (except Angelina and Alica told everyone about Ron's most embarrassing moment so the whole school knew). 


	4. The Box of the Alter Egos

Chapter 4- The Box of the Alter Egos  
  
"Potter, what is an antidote?" Professor Snape snapped at him.  
  
"Huh?" Harry asked stupidly.  
  
"Hmph. Apparently you weren't paying attention," said Professor Snape. "Draco do you know what an antidote is?"  
  
Malfoy smirked at Harry.  
  
"An antidotine cures a poison," he said in a smug know-it-all voice.  
  
"How'd he know that?" Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.  
  
"Right you are Draco, 100 points for Slytherin," said Professor Snape. "As Draco, the wonderful oh so perfect Draco said, an antidote cures a poison. Now, who wants to come up and demonstrate how to make one. Hmm, let's see, Draco."  
  
Draco ran to the front of the room.  
  
"Now, add a little bit of this, 2 cups of that, 1 tsp. (teaspoon) of this and a pinch of that because it's very explosive," said Professor Snape.  
  
"Ok, a little bit of this, a handful of that..." Malfoy muttered to himself not paying attention to what he was doing.  
  
"He's doing it wrong," Hermione whispered to Ron and Harry.  
  
The antidote began to smoke.  
  
"Uh-ho this wasn't supposed to happen," Professor Snape in a monotonus voice. "Draco...DUCK!!!!"  
  
Professor Snape ducked under his desk.  
  
"DUCK??!!! WHERE???!!!!" Malfoy asked excitedly, leaning over the smoking antidote.  
  
The antidote exploded and Malfoy was knocked to the floor.  
  
"Are you ok Draco?" Professor Snape asked worridley.  
  
"Yes I..." Draco began. "I mean no! My arm hurts."  
  
"Faker," Harry whispered to Ron.  
  
"Potter, Weasley and Granger!" Professor Snape snapped at them. "Take poor Draco here to the hospital wing. If you try to hurt him on the way I'll take 300 points each from Gryffindor. Understood?"  
  
"Yes Professor Snape," Harry, Ron and Hermione muttered.  
  
They walked out of Snape's room. Hermione remembered she needed to ask Professor Snape something.  
  
"Professor Snape, do we have any homework?" she asked.  
  
"Yes as a matter of fact you do," said Professor Snape.  
  
He grabbed a bunch of thick books and shoved them into Hermione's arms.  
  
"Read pages 1-1000 in volumes 1-8," said Professor Snape.  
  
Hermione walked back to Harry and Ron with all of the books. Draco had run away, happy at his chance to play hooky for the rest of the class.  
  
"You just had to ask him if we had homework didn't you?" Ron snapped.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
After dinner, Harry was walking through the halls by himself because Ron had to catch up on his homework and Hermione wanted to do extra credit for Charms. Harry walked blindly through hallway after hallway after hallway. Eventually, he got to a very old hallway. It had cobwebs growing on the statues and it looked like no one had been in it for a very long time. Harry walked down the hallway and got to a door at the end of it. He tried to pull the door open but it was locked.  
  
"Alohomora," he muttered pointing his wand at the door.  
  
It opened and he walked in. There was nothing in there, except for a box on a table. Harry ran over to the box and reached out a hand to open it, but then he thought maybe he shouldn't, then he thought oh why not, then he thought what if there's something deadly in there I mean this box was locked up for a reason, then he thought, hey if I die I won't have to deal with the Dursley's ever again, then he thought what am I saying? I'm too young to die.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME OH ANNOYING VOICES???? WHY WHY WHY?????" Harry yelled.  
  
He made a decision: he'd open the box. He grabbed the box and quickly took the top off before he changed his mind. The next thing he saw was a white light and he heard a lot of loud voices and a whooshing noise. He felt the box shaking and closed his eyes and ducked under the table. Then there was silence. Harry opened his eyes and crawled out from under the table. The room was dark again and he put the box back and put the top back on.  
  
"See nothing happened," Harry said to no one, trying to convince himself.  
  
He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt something was different. Something was very different. He shrugged off the feeling and headed back to the Gryffindor common room. 


	5. My Friends are Acting Weird

Chapter 5- My Friends are Acting Weird  
  
Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room and went to his dormitory. Ron was stretched out on his bed doing his homework.  
  
"Hey Ron, how's the homework coming?" Harry asked him.  
  
"Why do you care?" Ron snapped.  
  
"Jeez I'm sorry," said Harry. "What's your problem?"  
  
"What's my problem?" Ron yelled. "You! You're my problem Potter!"  
  
"This homework is making you moody. Why don't you put it away," Harry suggested.  
  
He reached out to close Ron's book. Ron slapped his hand away.  
  
"Don't touch that," he snapped. "If you do, I'll get your cooties."  
  
"Whatever Ron," Harry said rolling his eyes. "But why are you doing Potions homework? We don't have to put up with Snape the Ape until Thursday. Today is Monday."  
  
"Don't call him that you moron," Ron snapped. "Snape rocks!"  
  
"Maybe you should go to bed," said Harry.  
  
Ron got off his bed.  
  
"STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" he yelled, pushing Harry to the ground.  
  
"What's with you Ron? One minute we're buds and the next you hate my guts," said Harry, surprised by what Ron did.  
  
"I'm not your friend!" Ron yelled. "And if I was, I'd use the killing curse on myself! NOW GET OUTTA HERE!"  
  
"FINE! I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!" Harry yelled back, and stomped outta the dormitiory.  
  
He walked into the common room and plopped down into a chair and put his head in his hands.  
  
"Why is Ron acting so weird?" Harry wondered out loud.  
  
Hermione walked into the common room.  
  
"Hermione!" Harry said happily. "Ron's acting weird. Do you know what his problem is? First he snapped at me and then he said that Snape rocked and then he pushed me. Do you know what his problem is?"  
  
Hermione scratched her head.  
  
"I dunno," she said dumbly. "Uh, tomorrow?"  
  
"What? You're confusing me. Are you drunk on butterbeer?" he asked. "Butterbeer? What's that?" she asked.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes," said Harry. "By the way, what are the answers to the Transfiguration homework?"  
  
"Um..." Hermione scrunched up her face like she was thinking really hard. "I dunno Harvy."  
  
"It's HARRY!" Harry said annoyed.  
  
"You're kinda cute," she said pointing at him.  
  
"I know the answers!" said Neville, popping out from behind a chair.  
  
"Great!" said Harry. "What are they?"  
  
"Number 1 is A, 2 is D, 3 is B, 4 is C, 5 is B, 6 is A, 7 is B, 8 is C," said Neville.  
  
"Thanks," said Harry. "How'd you get so smart?"  
  
"I don't know actually," said Neville. "I was trying to do the homework and the answers just came to me."  
  
Hermione laughed dumbly.  
  
"You must be psychic," she said happily.  
  
Percy skipped into the room.  
  
"Howdy y'all," he said in a hillbilly voice.  
  
"Uh, hi Percy," said Harry.  
  
"Y'all wanna go do a square dance?" he asked.  
  
"Percy are you nuts?" asked Fred, walking in behind them.  
  
"We just saved your butt out there," said George following Fred. "Square dancing is not permitted at Hogwarts."  
  
"Fred? George?" Harry asked, surprised to hear them say that.  
  
I don't get it, Harry thought. Ron hates me, Hermione's dumb, Neville's a genius, Percy's acting like a hillbilly and Fred and George are concerned with the rules all of a sudden. Everyone's acting so weird.  
  
"Swing your partner, do-see-do and prominade your lady home!" Percy sang, skipping around the room with Hermione.  
  
"I'm going to bed," Harry said, annoyed. "Maybe tomorrow everyone will be back to normal."  
  
He didn't know how wrong he was. 


	6. Darn They're Still Weird

Chapter 6- Darn They're Still Weird  
  
The next day, Harry woke up and prayed that everyone was back to their original selves. He got out of bed and saw Ron, Dean and Seamus getting ready to down to breakfast.  
  
"Hey guys!" said Harry.  
  
They turned around.  
  
"Don't talk to me, Potter," Ron snapped.  
  
Darn he's still weird, Harry thought.  
  
"Fine," Harry snapped at Ron. He turned to Seamus and Dean. "Can you believe him? I dunno what his problem is."  
  
"That's cuz you're the one who has problems and not him," said Dean.  
  
"Yeah," Seamus added.  
  
"And don't go talking to them either, Potter. They hate you too," said Ron.  
  
"Oh whatever," Harry said annoyed. "Just leave me alone."  
  
"We sure will," said Ron.  
  
"And if you ever talk to us again, we'll beat you up," said Seamus.  
  
Ron, Seamus and Dean left. Harry sighed and got changed and walked down to the Great Hall. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle ran up to him.  
  
"Hey Harry! How's it going?" Malfoy asked.  
  
Why is Malfoy talking to me? Harry wondered. He was sure Malfoy was pulling a fast one.  
  
"Um, ok I guess. But I have to ask you something," said Harry.  
  
"Sure go ahead," Malfoy said.  
  
"Don't you hate me?" Harry asked.  
  
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle started laughing.  
  
"Hate you?" Malfoy asked. "Harry I don't hate you at all! You're my pal and my god! Me and Crabbe and Goyle practically worship you and are in the process of building a shrine of you in our dormitories!"  
  
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle bowed down and began worshiping Harry. Ron stomped up to Harry with Hermione following closely behind.  
  
"Hey they're bowing to Harry! Is he a king?" she asked dumbly.  
  
"I bet you like this don't you Potter?" Ron snapped. "Huh? What are you talking about?" Harry asked.  
  
"Now you have people from great rich wizarding families like the Malfoys worshiping you," Ron snapped.  
  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous," Harry said calmly.  
  
Ron glared at him and stomped away.  
  
"I think he hates you," Hermione said.  
  
"No duh," said Harry. "What the heck...?"  
  
Professor McGonagall had walked into the Great Hall with her hair down and in a mini-skirt.  
  
"Hey guys! McGonagall finally got the guts to put her hair down!" Ron yelled.  
  
"That's right Mr. Weasley," Professor McGonagall said happily.  
  
"That outfit is not appropriate for school," Fred said to George. "According to rule number 35 of the Rules of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry any skirts in the school must be as long as your knees."  
  
"Yeah and that skirt shows too much skin," George added.  
  
"Yeah, way too much WRINKLY skin!" Percy said in a hillbilly voice. "Hahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Oh man I really messed things up. I'd better get outta here before they figure out I did it," Harry said to himself.  
  
He ran out of the Great Hall and stayed in his dormitory for the rest of the day.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
It was Thursday and Harry was walking to Potions when Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle walked up to him.  
  
"Hey Harry!" they said.  
  
"Uh, hi guys," said Harry.  
  
"Would you like to sit with us in Potions today?" Malfoy asked.  
  
"Sure," said Harry.  
  
"We like to sit as far away from Snape as possible. He's such a loser," said Malfoy. "Right Crabbe and Goyle?"  
  
"Yeah we despise him," they said.  
  
Harry was amazed that Crabbe and Goyle knew big words like despise but he kept that thought to himself. They walked into the Potions room. Professor Snape was sitting at his desk.  
  
"Ah, Harry. You're here! It's so wonderful to see you. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable," Snape said smiling at him.  
  
Snape waved his wand at a chair in the front of the room and a bunch of pillows came on it.  
  
"Wow thanks," Harry said, rearranging the pillows in a way that it would be comfortable for him.  
  
"Harry, Harry, Harry. It's my job to make sure you're 100% happy in my class," Snape said.  
  
"Guess we'll see you later then," Malfoy said.  
  
They walked to the back of the room and sat down. Ron, Seamus and Dean walked in.  
  
"You're in my seat Harry," Ron snapped.  
  
"Yeah move it loser," said Dean.  
  
"Or we'll move you," added Seamus.  
  
"Sorry guys, but Snape gave ME the V.I.P. seat and not you. So you'll have to sit someplace else," said Harry.  
  
"I'll get you for this Potter!" Ron snapped at Harry.  
  
He stomped away and Seamus and Dean followed him. Hermione and Neville walked into the room.  
  
"Where's my seat?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Out there!" Ron said pointing out the window.  
  
"Ok!" said Hermione.  
  
She skipped toward the window and opened it. She was about to jump out of it but Neville grabbed her arm.  
  
"No Hermione. You're seat is precisely over there next to mine," he said pointing.  
  
They sat down.  
  
"Is everyone here?" Snape asked. "Good. Today we're going to learn about Polyjuice Potions. Who can tell me one thing you need for a Polyjuice Potion?"  
  
"I know!" Hermione called out. "Butterbeer?"  
  
"No Miss Granger. That's wrong," said Snape.  
  
Neville raised his hand.  
  
"Yes Mr. Longbottom?" Snape asked.  
  
"You need a hair from the person you're turning into," said Neville.  
  
"That's right! 100 points for Gryffindor," said Snape.  
  
Snape asked questions about Polyjuice Potions for the rest of the class and Neville answered almost all of them (Harry answered a couple and so did Ron). By the end of the class, Gryffindor had over 1000 points. Harry noticed that Snape never looked at any of the Slytherins or asked them any questions once throughout the whole class. After Potions ended, Harry met up with Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle in the hall.  
  
"Man Snape was tough today," Malfoy said.  
  
"Actually I didn't think he was that bad," said Harry.  
  
"That's cuz he loves you," Ron snapped from behind him. "Oh lookie here, Potter's a teacher's pet!"  
  
Dean and Seamus laughed. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle looked appalled.  
  
"How dare you speak to Harry in such a way!" Malfoy yelled.  
  
"Yeah, he's way better than you 3 put together," said Crabbe.  
  
"We'll see who's better than Harry once I kick his sorry butt!" Ron yelled.  
  
He began fighting with Harry. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle joined in to help Harry and Dean and Seamus joined in to help Ron.  
  
"What's going on here boys?" a voice said from behind all of them.  
  
The fighting stopped and they turned around and saw Professor McGonagall staring at them.  
  
"Professor we were just--" Harry began.  
  
"That's ok boys," she said. "Please continue whatever you were doing as long as no one gets killed."  
  
She walked away and the fight started up again. Eventually Harry, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle got the upper hand and Ron, Seamus and Dean ran away.  
  
"We'll get you next time Potter!" Ron yelled as he ran.  
  
"Yeah!" Dean and Seamus added.  
  
Harry said good-bye to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle and went back to his dormitory and fell asleep after a long crazy day. 


	7. Demented Dumbledore and Loopy Lupin

A/N- sry it took so long to update. I've been busy with school and volleyball and all that crap but I'm back now so here's the next chapter. REVIEWS WOULD BE NICE *HINT* *HINT*  
  
Chapter 7- Demented Dumbledore and Loopy Lupin  
  
A few days later, Harry walked into the Great Hall and sat next to Neville and Hermione for breakfast. He'd given up on trying to be friends with Ron, Seamus and Dean.  
  
"Say Hermione did you do your Defense Against the Dark Arts homework?" Harry asked.  
  
"We had homework?" she said surprised.  
  
"Uh, yeah," Harry said. "I'll take that as a no."  
  
"Oh well. It's just homework," Hermione said.  
  
"Hermione! How can you say that? Homework is good! It helps you get good grades," said Neville. "I did my homework and I'm 99.76953% sure that all my answers are correct. You can copy mine Harry."  
  
"Ok thanks," said Harry.  
  
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle walked up to him.  
  
"Hey Harry. How's it going?" Malfoy asked him.  
  
"Good," said Harry.  
  
"I can't wait to watch you play in the Quidditch game next Saturday. Hufflepuff is such an easy team," said Malfoy.  
  
"Yeah, I think we can beat them," said Harry.  
  
"Well see you later," said Malfoy.  
  
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle walked away. Suddenly there was a bad smell in the Great Hall.  
  
"Oh my god! What the heck?" Harry yelled trying not to breathe through his nose.  
  
"Ew it smells gross," said Neville plugging his nose.  
  
"I think it smells wonderful.." Hermione said dreamily, taking a big sniff and then fainting.  
  
"Potter did it!" Ron yelled pointing to Harry.  
  
"Actually Ron that was me! Hahahahahahaha!" Percy shouted in a hillbilly voice.  
  
"I can't believe this. Percy broke another rule. Farting on school grounds is strictly prohibited," said Fred.  
  
"If he breaks any more rules, we'll have to report him," George said.  
  
Dumbledore walked into the Great Hall. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and red shorts.  
  
"Aloooooooooooooooooooooooha!" he said happily.  
  
Everyone turned around and looked at him.  
  
"Surf's up!" he said. "Hang 10 dudes!"  
  
He walked up to the teacher table singing "Surfing USA."  
  
"Attention dudes! It's time for a brief anatomy lesson," said Dumbledore. "Please stand up."  
  
Groaning, everyone stood up.  
  
"Ready? Ok!" Dumbledore said. He began singing and pointing to the body parts as he sang them. "Head and shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes! Head and shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes. Eyes and ears and mouth and nose, head and shoulders knees and toes!"  
  
Everyone looked at Dumbledore like he was an idiot.  
  
"Hey, the old guy's demented!" Ron yelled to Seamus and Dean, who nodded an agreement.  
  
"RON!" Fred and George said appalled. "It's against school rules to call the headmaster names."  
  
"What made you 2 such goody-goodys all of a sudden?" Ron snapped.  
  
"Hey dudes, since you express so much interest in body parts, you can come up here and demonstrate my anatomy lesson with me!" Dumbledore said happily.  
  
"I'd rather not," said Ron.  
  
"Ok! Good news! The anatomy lesson's over! Now we're going to learn the Hokey Pokey!" said Dumbledore. He began singing. "You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put right foot in and you shake it all about! You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around! That's what it's all about.."  
  
Everyone ran out of the Great Hall while Dumbledore continued singing.  
  
*+*+*+*+  
  
Harry walked into his Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Hermione and Neville. Ron, Seamus and Dean were already there.  
  
"Man can you rip some stinky ones Potter," said Ron.  
  
"Shut up," said Harry. "It was Percy. He even admitted it."  
  
"He was just covering for you," said Ron.  
  
"Yeah," said Seamus and Dean.  
  
"We're gonna go sit down. Talk to you later Harry," Neville said nervously.  
  
Neville and Hermione left.  
  
"Is it my imagination or are Dean and Seamus getting dumber?" Harry asked.  
  
"Hahahahaha..what?" said Seamus and Dean.  
  
"DON'T INSULT MY FRIENDS!" Ron yelled.  
  
Professor Lupin skipped into the room.  
  
"Hello!" he said. "Sit down everyone!"  
  
Harry sat down next to Neville and Hermione. Ron, Seamus and Dean sat as far away from Harry as possible.  
  
"Hello! My name is Lupin and I'm loopy!" Professor Lupin said happily. He began singing. "I'm loopy! I'm loopy! I'm loopy loopy loopy! I'm loopy...."  
  
"Oh man are we gonna have to sing AGAIN?" Harry asked.  
  
"No sonny!" said Professor Lupin. "I'm the only one who's loopy so I'm the only one who can sing the Loopy Song!"  
  
"I dunno, Harry's a pretty loopy guy too," said Ron. "Actually, you 2 would get along well."  
  
"Would we really?" said Lupin. "Well in that case: We're loopy! We're loopy! We're loopy loopy loopy! We're loopy...."  
  
"Excuse me Professor but what will we be learning this year?" Neville asked.  
  
"Well, the Loopy Song of course!" said Lupin.  
  
Harry and everyone else in his class spent the entire time learning the Loopy Song. It was a relieft when the bell rang.  
  
"What a waste of my life!" Neville said angrily. "I was hoping to learn exciting new things but no! I have to learn the Loopy Song. Lockhart was way better than this guy."  
  
"Neville you need to calm down," said Harry. "Let's get some lunch."  
  
Harry, Neville and Hermione walked into the Great Hall. Dumbledore and Lupin were there.  
  
"Hey look," Ron said to Seamus and Dean as they walked into the Great Hall, "it's Demented Dumbledore and Loopy Lupin."  
  
"Hahahahaha," said Seamus and Dean.  
  
"It's time for the afternoon show dudes!" said Dumbledore. "You're just in time! Ready Remus?"  
  
"Ready Albus!" said Lupin.  
  
"Oh god," said Harry.  
  
"We're loopy! We're loopy! We're loopy loopy loopy! We're loopy..." Dumbledore and Lupin sang.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAH NOOOOOO!!!!! STOP THE SINGING!!!!!!" everyone yelled, running out of the Great Hall. 


End file.
